My husband and I have no children together. As you may have read in our "story" we have known each other for a very long time, but we've only been married for a few short years. We knew before even coming together that we wanted a house full of children. We had even gone as far as choosing names for our first boy and girl. If we had a boy, his name would be Matthew Elijah, and if we had a girl, her name would be Elizabeth Fay.
We also discussed adoption. We both had an unexplainable draw to international adoption. We knew that we would see through an international adoption at some point, we just assumed it would be after we'd had a few kids.
After about a year without success, I went to see my doctor. We tried a few rounds of clomid, charting temperatures, and using ovulation predictor kits. Still nothing. It was heartbreaking as I was certain that the clomid would work. I can remember crying in the shower after getting another negative test and wondering why I was such a failure. The pressure was overwhelming. We needed a break from the whole trying to conceive thing, but I continued to monitor my temperatures daily.
I went back to my doctor a year later. We decided to try one more round of clomid and if unsuccessful, then we talked about the next step. The next step for us was a round of additional invasive testing and being poked and prodded at, and possibly going as far as in-vitro fertilization. And of course, these things are not covered by health insurance.
My desire to be someone's mom was so strong, but the reality of having to go through test after test and paying so much money in order to achieve motherhood was daunting. We talked about it at great length...we would be paying all this money, but no one could guarantee that we would get pregnant and I would carry the baby to term in the end.
At this point, something called to us. I still don't know what it was...but we began researching adoption. I looked over information for domestic adoption, but I was being pulled to international adoption. I started comparing the countries policies, financial, and travel requirements. Something pulled me to China...and that's when I found Great Wall China Adoptions. The picture of a little girl on their homepage tugged at my heart. When I looked at her, I could see my daughter in her eyes...I just knew that we were meant to adopt from China.
We attended an informational meeting for the agency and got to meet two families. One has 2 little girls and the other had just returned from China 3 days prior to the meeting with their little one. Watching that precious little girl crawl and toddle throughout the room...I knew this was it. This is how we were meant to start our family.
The very next day, I stopped charting my temperatures. I stopped watching for signs of ovulation. It was very liberating! But the true test came a few short weeks later. My friend gave birth to her second baby. I went to see her and her new daughter at the hospital. I held the baby and we talked for a while...and as my husband and I left, I told him that I knew in my heart that we had made the right decision. I wasn't jealous...that was the turning point.
I am no longer jealous when I see a mom with her baby...or a pregnant woman. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel...I will be somebody's mom...and very soon!
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